Forgiveness Doesn’t Always Fix Everything:
Unfortunately, this is one of those imperfect phenomenons that we don’t like to think about but I have found to be true. Had I realized this earlier in my marriage (and honestly that goes for other relationships as well) I would have tried to be less callous, less reckless with my words and more aware of the costs when opening my mouth prematurely.
I have termed this phenomenon my “emotional tornado moments”. As women we all have them. God made us emotional beings. However, some of us seem better able to control them before the destruction starts reaping havoc... and then there's the rest of us. We set out on the course of no return at the first raindrop and gust of wind. For those of us who fall into this group of having "emotional tornadoes", please understand that there are relationships and hurts that can never be fully fixed by forgiveness. Doing and saying anything we want and thinking we can ask for forgiveness later is not the way Christ would have us conduct our lives. It's an unwise theory to live by. The wounding and insensitive words we may throw out there may be forgiven, but the damage and scars from them may never be the same.
I wish someone had given me the wisdom in my early marriage to stop, think, and pray before irreversible damage could be done. Believe it or not it's possible for God to train us in that way. (Although to be honest, I'm still working on it.)
Given what happened in Charleston last week, I wanted to add an additional thought to this. What if the shooter had stopped, thought and prayed when those thoughts first entered his mind? What if his friend who heard him tell of a planned attack at the College of Charleston had prayed for him, had spoken wisdom to him or had even sought help for him? How different the outcome could have been.
On the flip side, what if the families of the victims had not stopped and prayed before they responded to the media? What would be the situation in Charleston at this very moment? I truly shiver to think what our state would be up against. Because of their faith, the faith of South Carolina grew. Further violence was stopped dead in its tracks. Does their ability to forgive fix the hurt and pain? No, the pain is still there. The sinful act rooted the pain in the our souls ...in the souls of the families.
What their ability to forgive did do, however, was to start the healing process at the very moment of their first prayer. It started the healing process for them and for our nation. Instead of hearts becoming bitter and hard they have become united and loving. They are now standing on the promise that God will use even this horrible incident for the good of those who died loving him and for those called for a purpose that He knew about long before they were ever born.
Want to be a good friend to someone, a good spouse? Speak truth into them when their "emotional tornadoes" hit and if possible stop and pray for wisdom in helping them see the situation clearly. Also, ask your spouse or a trusted friend to be your voice of reason when those moments arise in you. If you trust them in that role beforehand, God will use them to stop the fire before it gets out of control.
“I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth while in the presence of the wicked.” – Psalm 39:1
Please continue to pray with us for the victims and their families in Charleston.
Walking the road with you,
Mom 2 Mom
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