So you are a June bride? Do you think you have this marriage thing by the tail? Marriage can be such a wonderful journey when you are with the one God chose for you. Your man can be sweet as sugar and you can be landing on cloud 9 with every touch of his hand. Yep, I remember those thoughts and feelings well. I feel blessed to say I still have them often, but I have them in a more realistic way after 30 years with my husband.
Newsflash: Sometimes the overt affection diminishes following a hard day in the classroom or office.
Your spouse may not feel like doing what you desire him to do the moment he steps in the door. If you don't understand this beforehand, you can allow your feelings to be bruised especially in the early months and years of marriage. These things are inevitable ... in every marriage. No one on earth feels lovey-dovey and touchy-feely all the time. No one wants to have deep emotional conversation all the time. It doesn't mean your marriage is headed for disaster, it's just reality of life. There will be days when your husband doesn't want to rehash work or hear about your friend who broke her toe within the first ten minutes of arriving home. (There are movies that try to portray the perfectness of home life and couples who try to make you think their lives are always romantic and perfect. Ignore them. They are not showing the true picture.) This is what God has allowed me to gather over the years:
Serving Is Better Than Being Served:
I wish I had known in my early marriage how hollow “being served” was. I wanted my husband to cater to me the way my dad always had and the way he had when we were dating. I wanted him to jump to his feet on command and lavish me with "acts of service" (BTW... my love language).
Fact is, after a long day at work and the responsibilities as a provider and husband, his energy and immediate will to serve was spent. He had been on 110% go in serving people for 8 hours before he got home. His desire was to unwind behind a newspaper for the first 30 minutes at home and I wanted conversation and cuddle. I wanted to be the center of his attention as soon as he walked in the door and he had difficulty changing gears. This discrepancy caused frustration in him and hurt in me.
Maybe it would have been better for me to have served him at that time of day and been patient in my requests for what I needed. I have learned not to “expect” service but to concentrate on serving. In the end, this allows my husband a moment to recharge and eventually have a much greater desire to fill my love tank at the end of a long day… a totally “win-win” situation.
So you see, there are lessons to be learned in every aspect of marriage. If you take the signals from that special someone as they truly are meant, it turns out that silence may not be because he doesn't love you today. It may just mean he needs time to unwind. He needs to be served with the love and understanding of his precious wife.
“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve…” – Mark 10:45.
Walking the road with you,
(Moms and those of you who have been married a little longer, if you have some advice learned the hard way for our June brides this month please share it with us below. The bible challenges us to pour ourselves into these young women and we would love to hear what you have to say.)
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