I don’t want to burst your bubble, my dear, but marriage has a tendency to be, well, let’s say a little less perfect than the Cinderella’s story. Barbie and Ken don't really exist in real life either. I'm so sorry to be the one to have to say that. Don’t get me wrong I would do it all again for sure and besides all the wedding festivities were a blast! One thing I would pray for though is for God to bring others into my life (sooner rather than later) that would help point me and keep me pointed in a direction more toward Him. Of course, that would mean that I would have to be less stubborn and actually take to heart what they tell me instead of brushing it off as a “they don’t really know what they are talking about” thought. So here are my thoughts as to what I have learned the hard way:
Kindness And An Effort To Be Yielding Is Better Than Having To Be “Right”:
If I had the chance to start my marriage all again, I would try to be “kinder” and more accepting of my husband’s viewpoint instead of always wanting to prove myself “right”. It took me a long time to learn that always being “right” in a marriage is self-serving and more times than not leads to unresolved conflicts and growing distance between spouses. God’s guidebook says “For the husband is head of the wife even as Christ is head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior”. –Ephesians 5:23.
I wish I had known that as a wife I sometimes needed to just take a step back and “allow” my husband to lead even if deep inside I truly thought I was right. I often missed the whole point. I battled my cases and fought to have him see things my way. You can guess what eventually happened… he stopped trying to lead. He lost his desire to do so because he knew to keep peace he would have to give in to my desire to be “right”. It was so unfair of me to put him in that position by taking away the job God gave him to do. I professed to be a Christ –follower but who was I kidding? As far as I was concerned I was always right so where was the need?
My husband did not regain the desire to lead until I stopped thinking I had to win the “right-ness” battle. Not too many years ago a cherished Christian friend shared this wisdom: One of my most important priorities as a wife was to encourage my husband to lead our family in Christ-like values… that’s encourage MY HUSBAND to lead. Not lead myself. That was a concept no one had ever explained to me. She said that if I failed to step back and open the door for him to lead then I was blocking God’s work in my husband. I realized it was in large part my fault that he wasn’t stepping up to the plate. I was complaining to God about a situation I had manufactured. Yuk, don't you hate getting slammed like that!
At times, it was difficult to lay down my personal thoughts in order to allow his door to open, but I tried hard to do it. I still have to try hard to do it. It goes against my nature, but the more I intentionally work at it, the more God takes over in leading my husband and, in turn, my husband leading his family. You know what else it has done? It has released me from so much anxiety about my marriage and my life in general because I know his decisions for our family are coming in large part from our Father. In living out this truth, I gradually began to feel greater contentment in my life, more confident in my husband’s decisions, and more assured that Christ was in control of it all.
Yes, it's biblical truth that being kind and yielding is so much better than being right. I just wish someone would have poured out that bit of wisdom to me decades earlier than they did.
So to all of you June brides, I pray that you have someone in your life that will pour themselves into you. I pray that when you become wives and mothers apart from the familiar settings you grew up in that you will seek out those now Godly women who have gone before you and may have learned things the hard way. I pray you take their learned lessons to heart. The words they share could be priceless to your marriage.
Women of God surround themselves with those who can help them stand back up and refocus upward.
Walking the road with you,
Mom 2 Mom
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