I wanted to be that mom who had it all together when my children arrived back in town for the holidays. I wanted to have the house smelling of fresh baked bread and apple cider and I wanted all the gifts bought, wrapped and displayed beautifully under the tree. Can I be honest? Instead of being in the kitchen and in my Domestic Diva apron I was stressed, unorganized and nursing a tension headache. I had such high hopes but life just wouldn't cooperate.
Can I see a show of hands from those of you who felt some of those same things during the high hopes of "maybe this year things will be different" Christmas wish syndrome?
My oldest son picked up on my stresses right away as he drove in from his home in Florida. He's a very intuitive and wise young man and although he doesn't always immediately verbalize what he is observing he almost always reads me and others like a book. In other words, mom can never get away with hiding anything although I had been trying my best.
As we talked one night toward the end of our family time together, when it was just he and I at home, he gave his mom some insight and wisdom. " I know you had some disappointments this holiday season but you are letting those disappointments steal part of your joy from everything that's good. My joy is good, the holidays were great, I love being home, but I can tell your joy is less than it should be because of your disappointments. Some things you just can't change, mom. It's out of your control, but it's okay because we ALL love you."
I had heard these words before but hadn't they been coming out of my own mouth as words of comfort to him or to my other two? Do I need to tell any of you other moms how deeply my child touched my inner being when he held my heart in that moment. He got it. He read me and he understood and gave me strength to move past the disappointments. He showed his mom love when she needed it most during the holidays and that's what family does. I am thankful for the obvious past times when he felt that in reverse from me and had remembered. The skinned knees, the broken hearts, the career setbacks, the deep, deep losses... we made it through... both of us.
Moms, as your children grow it's not a question of IF the deep disappointments will come for them and for you as well, it's a matter of WHEN. It helps tremendously to bring your children up to be able to read your heart and the hearts of others. Teach them to be adept at stepping back and viewing situations from different angles as others may be seeing them. Ask them to remind you of your words in the future when needed. After all, when they come home for Christmas from lives that are far away, they come as grown ups who are doing life their own way. They come as adults who have been raised to apply the wisdom you have taught them. So don't let the disappointments you may experience in 2016 make you miss the pleasures right in front of your nose. If you do, your grown son may just have to have a heart to heart with you as well.
Don't ever let the disappointments of life make you so distracted and inwardly focused that you can't recognize how truly happy and blessed you are. Have a wonderful 2016 and may this year bring you many wonderful and joyous moments that will truly become the great memories of your life. Happy New Year!
Walking the road with you in genuine love,
Mom 2 Mom
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