In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation. -Psalm 5:3
Lord, You are my friend and my guide. Intellectually, I know You will bring me all the fulfillment and happiness I need during this season. For now though, my heart has not caught up to that realization.
My fears and my requests stem from a life that is changing. It stems from a life that at times can feel unfulfilled and empty. My children do not need me the way they used to. They are one step out the door with the other raised and poised. When the second foot comes down I will no longer be able to protect them the way a mother does; I will cease to know them the way I always have to this point. My door will no longer be a revolving one to a constant stream of their friends who add laughter to this home.
My children's hearts and thoughts will be shared with others whom I have not even met. Professors and casual new friends (with backgrounds that may not be of You) may influence their thoughts and actions more than this mother does. And yes, my goal for them has always been for them to get to this point –one of independence, happiness, and lives that are full of adventure. I’m happy for them, right? That was the plan. However, as they venture out with their own excitement, I feel a hint of uncertainty and, honestly, void of a purpose for myself. I feel scared of what lies ahead outside of the walls of this house for them and truthfully for me as well. It’s unchartered territory.
My request is for you to show me what my role is now, Father. Show me how to let go of my child’s hand and place it securely in yours. Show me how to place my worries there as well. Please give me new experiences and the desire to make new memories. I ask you to give me new reasons to keep my eyes focused on You and lead me to paths that bring joy back to this home and fulfillment to my soul.
Father, I ask for your protection on those who hold my heart as they turn this corner. Help them stand strong in the truths they have been taught. Guide them to new experiences in which they can grow in You. Help them to open their eyes to the things of this world that would cause them to follow the path You have for them and close them to the things that would lead them astray. Father, please mold them into adults who run toward You and seek friends and mates who do the same.
This season of change is celebratory yet difficult for this mom. My steps are unsure… but I trust YOU. I thank you for walking beside me in the best of times and in the worst of times. I know your character and promises will never change as I continue to praise You and lay my burdens before You in expectation of your never-ending love and guidance.
(This is a prayer I found in my journal as my first child left home. I remember the torn heartstrings so very well. To those of you who are currently watching the last foot of your child come down outside your own door, I pray you will read this and know you are not alone. God holds every tear and every anxious moment in His hand as if they were precious diamonds.)
Walking the road with you,
Mom 2 Mom
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