Another school year is coming to an end. Thank goodness. It’s time for summer and all that goes with it – laid back schedules, sleeping in a little later, boiled peanuts, no homework or tests.
If there were ever a Momma who lived for summer, it would be me. I cannot adequately explain to you the absolute joy I feel on the last day of school. I feel liberated, probably more so than my children. I have looked forward to every single end of the school year…except this one…and two early ones.
This year, I have a son who will graduate from high school and head off to college in the fall. A chapter in his life will close.
A chapter in my life will close.
I was so hoping that closing chapters would get easier with each child, but for me, it hasn't.
You know what I really want to do? Go back to the beginning and do it all again. There are things I need to fix. There are things I need to do that I didn’t do. There are things I need to not do that I did do. There are things that were right and I just want to do them again.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited for my child. It is time, but in my heart, I don’t want another one to leave.
So many thoughts rush in when we are in the “letting go” season:
Did I get it right?
What did I forget to teach?
I wish I had done this better.
I wish I hadn’t done that at all.
I remember giving last minute instructions to one of my older children one time. I tried to pack 18 years of instruction into a 2-minute version. It got complicated…real quick.
“Mom, I’ve got it. You raised me right. I’m prepared.”
In my head I was thinking, “You’re 18 years old; you’re not old enough to know if you’re prepared. In fact, you might be so unprepared that you don’t even know you’re unprepared.”
In that moment, I realized that I was having a little struggle with letting go. Actually, it was more than a little struggle.
In that moment I realized that even though I did an awful lot wrong and made more mistakes than I want to admit, by God’s grace, my child was prepared.
In that moment, I realized that in my heart, I was the one not prepared.
I realized that I had spent a lot of time preparing my children to stand on their own but nowhere near enough time preparing myself to let them.
I remember when my 1st born graduated. In the early morning hours before graduation, I quietly slipped into his room. I silently opened my mother’s heart to my Heavenly Father.
"God I’ve made way too many mistakes…will You cover them?"
"I didn’t teach him enough; will You take over?"
"I worry about him; will You help me trust You?"
"I don’t want to let go; will You be enough for me?"
Two years later, I found myself slipping into my daughter’s room. Instead of a precious little girl with blonde curls falling all around her face there was a beautiful young woman. Once again my heart was sad. Once again I began my conversation with my Father. Once again, He sustained me.
In two weeks, I will again slip into a child’s room and have another conversation with my Father. Once again my heart will be sad. Once again my God will prove faithful.
So to all the moms of high school seniors getting ready to graduate, especially to you sweet moms who are walking this road for the first time, I want to tell you that you will be okay. We will all be okay.
I want you to know that it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to wish you could go back and freeze time. It’s okay if you made mistakes. It’s okay to cry.
Then I want to encourage you to continue to place that precious child in the hands of a sovereign God and trust Him.
Lastly, I want to encourage you to place your hurting heart into the hands of a loving Father who knows what it feels like to send a child off into a tough world. Allow Him to sustain you…to be enough.
He won’t fail you.
Have a great week,
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